I ask Andreas to comment my blog because his only honest person I know. hehe. Anyway, he said that my story is fine but it’s a little bit too linear. So I ask Rachael to see it and she too said that same thing. So, this very morning I re-typed my story for the fourth time. Hope this is way better. Well, I asked for someone random online and it was Joel and he said that I should let the baby spell out a word that we can't spell. So I've added that.
I checked out in google and that longest word would be "antidisestablishmentarianism" and it means
–noun opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century England. |
So yah. Enjoy!
Fade in to the ECU of the Baby Amy’s eyes, to show the anger and rage she has with the western gun fighting background music. Cut to Sophia, the cat, eye’s looking all scared and thinking if she would win this time round. Cut to Baby Amy’s, little hands wanting to grab the bottle that was at her side. Cut to ECU of Sophia’s hand scratching its head.
Baby Amy: “Are you ready?” (In baby talk) (Subtitles will be provided)
With a tone as if she was shivering, Sophia said: “Y...Y...Yes” (In cat talk)
Baby Amy: “Let’s begin”
Side view of both sat down at the same time. In front of them are these alphabet blocks.
Baby Amy with that evil face knowing that she will always win: “I start first, spell, cup”
Sophia got all confused she was seeing double image of the blocks and then it hit her. She arranged the blocks and spelled cup.
Sophia giggled: “Now you spell antidisestablishmentarianism”
As soon as Sophia finished the word, Baby Amy had arranged the word within a few seconds. ECU of Baby Amy’s mouth who gave a very sly smile.
Baby Amy: “Spell dog”
Sweat was dripping from Sophia’s head, it has gotten all shivery and its hands are starting to shake. POV of Sophia trying to pick which block and finally she spelled it as bog.
Sophia stood up and gave a victory dance. Baby Amy looked at her and trying to refrain herself from laughing. Moments later, she burst out laughing and said: “That’s not dog. That’s BOG! HA HA!”
A fade out to the product of, Mamil Gold and Advance Mamil Gold. With a tagline below saying, babies are just getting smarter these days.
VO of Mother: “Get your free sample at www.dumex.com.sg .”
1. Who are you telling the story for (primary audience)?
My primary audience will be parents ranging from the age of 21-45 of all races. My geographical region would be Singaporeans. They would love to read comics like baby blues and watch cartoon like Rugrets. Most of all enjoy entertainment.
2. What reaction do you want?
Laughter and Adorable
3. Is the narrative omniscient (all seeing) or restrictive (viewed from a single perspective)?
(If the narrative is restrictive, whose viewpoint are you using?)
My narrative will be omniscient.
4. List the important events of the story.
(a) Baby Amy gets all competitive with Sophia, the cat
(b) Sophia spells it right and its victory
(c) Baby Amy spells faster
(d) Sophia gets worried and got mixed up with the letters B and D.
(e) Baby Amy laughs at Sophia
(f) Product appears with tagline
5. Which aspects of the setting of the story are important (time of day… location… period of history…) and how do you intend to establish these important elements?
I would like the story take place in the bedroom, in the afternoon and it would be a current year. The baby and the cat would have a spelling bee competition.
6. What traits of the characters in your story are important and how do you intend to establish these traits?
(a) Baby Amy is really competitive and knows that she will always be smarter than Sophia. That would be shown with the quick and correct spelling of CAT.
(b) Sophia is the totally opposite of Baby Amy. She knows that she is not that smart but still she was not afraid to accept the challenge. That would be shown when she spelled DOG wrongly.
7. In what order are the important events (step 4 above) covered? Is it a strictly linear sequence of events in time, or does the story contain any flashbacks or other interruptions to the sequence of events?
It would be linear.
8. How does the story flow, does the pace change? Does it contain a surprise? Consider your answers to 1 and 2 above when making your response.
Yes the pace would change when the cat spells DOG wrongly. This is to show that the formula makes baby smart.
9. How will you use sound to help all your responses to 5-8 above?
A western gun fighting music for the background in the beginning. Music would change from the baby to the cat. Wood sound when it is being hit when it is being place side by side. Baby and cat voices.
10. Does your story need dialog?
(write out the dialog)
Baby Amy: “Are you ready?” (In baby talk) (Subtitles will be provided)
With a tone as if she was shivering, Sophia said: “Y...Y...Yes” (In cat talk)
Baby Amy: “Let’s begin”
Baby Amy with that evil face knowing that she will always win: “I start first, spell, cup”
Sophia giggled: “Now you spell, cat”
Baby Amy: “Spell dog”
Moments later, she burst out laughing and said: “That’s not dog. That’s BOG! HA HA!”
VO of Mother: “Get your free sample at www.dumex.com.sg .”
You should build up to the big word if you are going to make a joke like that - it feels too sudden
ReplyDeletee.g. start with three letter word for the cat... six letters for the baby, 5 letters for the cat, then impossible word for the baby - should end on the huge word rather than go back to the cat... the cat could faint or drop jaw when the baby is able to spell, then up pops the milk promo...
Shouldn't use a real product - invent a fake (spoof) milk brand for your production so that you don't have anyone trying to stop you from showing it (copyright blah, blah, blah...)